I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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