Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
