Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
