you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
