Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
