I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
