So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
