did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
