There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
