things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
