Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
