I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
