I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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