it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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