remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
