You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
