The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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