Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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