She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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