I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
