the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
