there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
