You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
