He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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