I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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