My hand turned me down
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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