K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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