Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
