And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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