You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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