so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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