Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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