I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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