I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
