it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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