He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
