woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
