Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
