I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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