I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
