u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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