im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
