After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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