I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
