perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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