You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
