i need an iv and a liver transplant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
