My nipple is on Facebook.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
