This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
