I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
