Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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