What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
