What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dick very happy bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
