How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
